He's crackers, and a wanker too!

   
   "He's crackers, and a wanker too!"  
   
Went to my robed priest during the days of jr. high--
Blessed myself and humbly kissed the sky;
Next, in the confessional booth, I meekly said:
"Father, I used my body unwisely, and I wish I was among the living dead."
The reverent priest asked if it was with myself or with others,
And I coolly confessed it was with myself, watching Night Court under the covers;
Indeed, Markie Post's pantyhose-glistening legs did my lubricated puberty make,
Yet lathered in Irish Spring I cleansed away the carnal mistake;
Alas, after Reagan did Clinton legislate women to remove their fishnet stockings,
Actually saving me from mysterious X-ray longings. 


God Bless Selma Diamond and Bull . . .