Green Eunuch (Part 3)

  
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   THREE:
  
   Within the sprawling though modest ornamentation of an industrial warehouse on the moon of Ooba, Francis sits on a non-animal hide sofa, petting Gubbio, partially playing tug-of-war with a lime-green bandana, and Skunkfire watches joyously, marveling at his resurrected existence in this eternity of death.  
  
   FRANCIS
   Did you receive comfort from that seed?
  
   SKUNKFIRE
   Totally . . .
  
   FRANCIS
   Pulls out a box of forest-green cigars and hands them to Skunkfire.  The herb from those seeds are in these cigars.  Truly, even the charismatics understand the totality of death; regardless, only smoke one a day--half in the afternoon, half at night--no more.  It will assist in your acceptance of this supermundane reality.  Like King David says in the Book of Psalms:  "Herb for the service of man."
  
   SKUNKFIRE
   Do you smoke herb?
  
   FRANCIS
   Nope.  A little quasi-Chianti from time to time to make my heart happy.  But like you--some men, downtrodden, need the solace of the Multiverse's Cosmic Nature, as long as it's not abused by way of permabuzz.  Respect the narcotic; moreover, have reverence for it; next, it will never drain your potential but starburst your best essence forth.
  
   SKUNKFIRE
   I think I know why I'm here.  Ignites a cigar with the strike of sulfur, takes two inhalations; then, exhales emerald smoke, his eyes glowing greener, and extinguishes the gleaming cherry on his robotic hand, putting the cigar and box on a table next to his presence. 
  
   FRANCIS
   You were constructed in the Transfiguration Chamber by the Virgin Mary Herself.  It took Her your entire Earthly existence to forge your perpetual form, this sublime, bio-mechanical aspect of angelity that you are--supersymmetrical, yet humble and docile, without the monstrous threat of cosmic testosterone--or too much of it anyway.  Paradise differs for every man--determined by many things such as obedience, disobedience, or pure psychotic love for the Abrahamic God--King David himself is King of the Multiverse, second to only the High King, Christ--though David's sins were despicable, he paid in full with a life of burning loins and a Black Magic offspring so wise that redemption ultimately allowed him favor with God.  Verily, David's love of God is unrivaled--that is the reason he beheaded Goliath, not out of pure courage, but outrage due to the fact that the giant spoke negative profanities against the Supreme Ruler of all the gods.
  
   SKUNKFIRE
   So, what happens tomorrow?
  
   FRANCIS
   It has been written in non-canonized scripture that at a certain time, saints, eunuchs, confessors, and others will purge those suffering in hell--those with no appreciation or service unto Satan, yet locked in eternal misery due to their lack of love for God--not the neutrals mind you, for they choose their Buddhistic eternity wisely, but the unaligned with things ethereal.  Atheists punished for lack of imagination--if ya get me.
  
   SKUNKFIRE
   And we will return a suffering soul to the favor of God?
  
   FRANCIS
   Yes.  A sexual deviant having impregnated 37 women with his unloving seed, him once full of physical pride and love of his own ejaculation.  He resides now on this somewhat hellish moon, locked away in a Satanic apartment, his death offering bodily resurrection followed by penile emasculation.  
   
   SKUNKFIRE
   Ouch.
  
   FRANCIS
   Yep.  And he has been forced to watch foolhardy pornography for decades, watching his detached and maligned penis grow in a glass aquarium to a state of health and normality.  We'll storm the apartment complex, and with the purity of your eunuch hands--you will have the authority to mend his genitalia back onto his disfigured loins, making him whole again--God has denounced his suffering.
  
   SKUNKFIRE
   How will we defeat the Satanic guards?
  
   FRANCIS
   I carry a non-edged quarterstaff carved from the Garden of Eden itself; plus, Gubbio has got some fierce chompers.  And as for you Skunkfire--the VIRGIN will soon arrive with your steeled weaponry.
  
   SKUNKFIRE
   Mary will be here?
  
   FRANCIS
   The Queen of Angels Herself will accompany us on our journey of salvation.  Just know:  Treat Her as if She is the Living Christ, for She is, at least a Holy Half of Him.
  
   SKUNKFIRE
   What did I do to deserve this in death?
  
   FRANCIS
   You suffered in uncanny fashion; at the same time, you kept your love for the concept of the Abrahamic God, His Angels, and His Saints.  You owned your misery brother.  Truly, death is a great adventure for the altruistic.