"WARNING: Bloody Bowels = No Friends"
Ulcerative Colitis taunts with a singular sanguinary squirt--
Believe me brother--it thunderously does hurt;
Moreover, amplify that chronically--like numerous times;
Plus, combine OCD with Tics; next, you spawn compulsive rhymes
About being an unappreciated, grotesque warrior,
Being more cursed than damns you does your ex-wife's unscrupulous lawyer;
Alas, agonizing grief is sincerely observed
When your physiology drips fecal gore, evolving you even more perturbed--
And the cancer risks after nearly two decades rise everyday,
Or a crappy pouch fixed to your gutted side, pushing friends even farther away--
So, what to a girl is wise to say?
"Could you fancy a guy who wears crimson diapers almost everyday?"
Yup, I kissed a girl, and she didn't like it;
Also, a clinical psychologist says I'm a fantastic freak, and there's no denying it,
But who am I to complain?
When of Christ's Lamb-like blood did I selfishly drain;
Specifically, the blood is the life!!!
Thus, I imbibe the ichor of the ultimate demigod sooooo nice.
"Spike and the Coyotes"
Contemplating solitude under a fedora's shade,
Snoopy's brother, Spike, humbly felt like he had it made,
Watching the Phoenix Coyotes on the cooling ice,
Where Westwards wending offered mercy and solace so nice;
Alas, he thirsted for his family far off and away,
Yet cleaning for the Coyote Family blessed his every day,
For they're axiomatic survivors--through and through,
Unlike Governor Perry--him shooting a hex upon his jogging shoe.
"He's crackers, and a wanker too!"
Went to my robed priest during the days of jr. high--
Blessed myself and humbly kissed the sky;
Next, in the confessional booth, I meekly said:
"Father, I used my body unwisely, and I wish I was among the living dead."
The reverent priest asked if it was with myself or with others,
And I coolly confessed it was with myself, watching Night Court under the covers;
Indeed, Markie Post's pantyhose-glistening legs did my lubricated puberty make,
Yet lathered in Irish Spring I cleansed away the carnal mistake;
Alas, after Reagan did Clinton legislate women to remove their fishnet stockings,
Actually saving me from mysterious X-ray longings.
God Bless Selma Diamond and Bull . . .
"NASHVILLE-LAND"
Dodging Buford T. Justice in Hot Pursuit--
But hell--I didn't thieve no loot;
Anyway, dragged my coyote ugly into Brewhouse West,
Got a Bud Heavy and took in the rest;
Specifically, a well-crafted bartender busty in the heart,
Craving my intestinal tract to have another beer and start
Downloading her fixed boobies into my 12 year old brain,
Playing with the information like T.S. Eliot did his wastelanding cane.
"Coxswain, lacking firm, symmetrical cutlass"
They royally raised me from salting sea biscuits since a luscious lass--
Now: a hooked coxswain, never iceberging, yet anchoring hooked near an island's grass;
Alas, I watch the Jack o' Cups admire the mighty 6-pounders,
And I never holystone the poop deck as if the landlocked founders;
Still, when glancing starboard into the Moon-kissed sea,
I experience male envy--wishing I could unsheath the sabre, dropping in a well-aimed pee.
"Chronic Pain And American Theocracy"
Believing your "large and in charge" morality heals--
You should sense how an agonizing bowel evacuation of bloody anemia feels;
Moreover, "plant life" is the mysterious synergy of life and death,
But those Darwinian folk fit--they believe it all to be like the wickedly jury-rigged meth
Till they have crippling OCD with Tics that suck social thoughts into a quasi-telepathic brain,
Making an abused mind feel like Mitt Romney's dog strapped on a car or bullet train;
Regardless, the mystic crank William Blake birthed poetry for their flaws, kinda/sorta singing:
"The moral christian is the cause for the unbeliever and their laws."
"WASP--the unappreciated"
May Howard the Duck
Bring you aquatic luck;
Moreover, Wasp (Janet van Dyne)
Is short brown hair and Hershey Bar eyes so fine;
Hence, seek sometimes the virtue of a woman in the vice squad,
Unless she moonlights as a Hong Kong bawd;
Regardless--Wasp deserves a hint of comic-kind adoration
From us compulsive fans, usually submitting to a more "Busty" superheroine fixation.
