Love Contrivance (16)

   
   "Love Contrivance (16)"
   
   I don't know how it happened; specifically, beyond serendipity, but like Dick Van Dyke doing a Disney dance, or Mary Poppins and the Mr. Magoo umbrella float--it freaking happened.
   I was at BURGER KING, eating a supposedly grilled hamburger, and Ai was with me--like a date or something.  She had silky, almost blue-black tinted hair, appeared twenty-eight, but was really forty-two, and she wasn't using chop sticks for her french fries.
   She explained to me that she usually only ate protein bars with soy; also, bananas, noodles, and lots of vegetables with the occasional, non-angry chicken.  Plus, that the KANJI was a sort of logograph, used as an artistically written set of a great many characters, while the HIRAGANA was a Japanese syllabary--that's as far as she got on her culture, her raised in Tennessee; moreover, she did mention that she was a Black Belt in Judo, and a Green Belt in Korean Taekwondo; plus, she voiced that she feverishly fancied 1980's ninja movies, Ronald Reagan, and practicing shadow knife-boxing, whatever the hell that was.  Said to always cut a man over the eyes, that way, he'll bleed in his eyes and become blinded; next, you can kick the shit out of him.
   I should have been terrified.  But heck, I liked her.  She was talking to me, knew that I was a paperboy, and even bought me the burger.  I just couldn't help imagine her father decapitating me with an angry katana--not the kind made by Suzuki.    

Love Contrivance (15)

   
   "Love Contrivance (15)"
   
   And yes, I practiced parts of my Southern Catholicism, especially in invoking the Angels and Saints to pray for Grandma and her elderly condition.  And my dreams were a bit bizarre, but not without sublimity, thinking:  Rob Roy doth protest, not the cocktail, and a red-hued pubic hair, so on fire, even if from a Saint, possibly, a Holy Relic--ya never know.
   I jumped from my disturbing daytime snooze.  Got up, put on proper wear for the autumn's arrival, totally khaki pants, always, and checked on Grandma, eating some grapes, able to have mobility in the morning and lift herself to her own wheelchair--things were happening.
   Next, I went out into the afternoon breeze, underneath the azure noon with a daystar igniting my internal energy, cranked the Road Runner to a tongue-sticking life, and beep beep--I was out of there.
   At the gas station, again with eatery convenience, I picked up a nutty candy bar, and watched as a Japanese girl outside flipped a dude over.  I rushed to the scene, but she was already on her Smart Horn, had dialed 9/11, and was telling how she was almost mugged, but her Judo saved her, telling the emergency operator her name was Ai, and that:  "When your enemy comes, welcome him; when he goes, send him on his way."  And it was all cool.  

Love Contrivance (14)

   
   "Love Contrivance (14)"
   
   Was the middle of the night, as they say--them nocturnal hours when the midnight owls poked their mystical orbs of gold out, and all the coyotes' eyes became ignited ever-lasting, like eternal survival in the headlights, them usually making a dash to an American safari of safety, most of the time.
   In the Franklin area warehouse, I was rolling newspapers next to Wally--the front page was showcasing some Pop-Culture crap not worthy of mentioning, and Wally with the wisdom was running @ the mouth, informing:  "Hell boy, they found a nuclear base in Greenland from when Reagan wanted to protect us from the Soviets and aliens.  I know they've found the thang, that's totally right:  THE THANG--in Antarctica.  My brother-in-law has been to every Continent but Antarctica.  Hell, even Al Gore and his prized bull galloped down to Antarctica one time.  Plus, them Volunteers are ranked 10th in the college football polls.  Big Orange gonna do it, or come close this year."
   I thought to mention that I liked Notre Dame.  Didn't bother.  Old Wally was on a roll.  And it seemed that the newsprint never knew when to stop.  Like all of us.  Oh well, till death do us part save for the nice ones.      

Love Contrivance (13)

   
   "Love Contrivance (13)"
   
   Simon Swiss was like, to his darling cousin Lucy's lifetime existence-plan:  "We've all seen Elvis Presley in the film released around 1964, KISSIN' COUSINS; moreover, your husband and guard dogs wouldn't like a creepy cousin hanging around--though it might be fun.  But I can't leave Grandma; I can't give myself what I have left of a life, not if it means incarcerating her, where they give you bloody enemas and don't let you use tobacco products." 
   Did you just say that all in italics, how 1990's and  retro-like and cutely cliche, with them fingers up, really dude?  Yeah, Simon figured he could hear Lucy through a state of terrifying telepathy; nevertheless, what her corporeal mouth sweetly offered was:  "You're a nice old man Simon.  You always got Grandma and me.  Just don't lay the stress on--take Jumblers to the park and give her a bone, for every dog can have many days."   

Harlan Ellison - 1980

Love Contrivance (12)

   
   "Love Contrivance (12)"
   
   Tucking Grandma into bed, a cough drop in her mouth, and one of those fancy, female 100-long cigarettes dangling between her lips; moreover, an ashtray placed strategically beneath--so that she didn't burn the quasi-suburban house down; then, I left for work, talked to Wally about the Big Orange and their running game; next, flung my newspapers, conversed with a couple of cops on my route; plus, the dude working @ the open ALL NIGHT gas station with eatery convenience, where I got some cheese crackers, and then:  I pondered, with reflecting reverie, the Scooby-Doo van.
   Indeed, I needed a mystery.  A shake up in life.  But who would constantly watch over my elderly Grandma?  At least I could get a dog.  Not a rich man; thus, I went to the pound.  Found a damn Goldendoodle, can you believe it?  An elegant hybrid, bred to not shed; also,be friendly and serve and protect.  Her name was Jumbles.  I liked her, and she liked me.  But when I put her into the Plymouth Road Runner and cranked up the powerful, big block 8 cylinder--she cringed, as might a coyote knowing he or she can never win the animated race.
   Oh well, Jumbles and me, old Simon Swiss, well, we would be fast and true friends, loyal to the end.  That's what dogs are for.    

Love Contrivance (11)

   
   "Love Contrivance (11)"
   
   I was exhausted, to the extreme; still, it was Grandma duty, a perpetual ritual of feeding and cleansing.  Anyway, after making her some apple-cinnamon oatmeal, followed by a hot cup of Maxwell House java, I rolled her wheelchair into the den; then, I turned off the possibility of any violent television shows or angry-speaking political shows, finding a family movie--so that she would not be stressed; furthermore, I put one of my newspapers under her feet, and began to cut her toenails--it was crusty work.
   So, after washing and sanitizing my hands, igniting the cherry on her long ass cigarette, and putting an ashtray in a targeted position, I caught my breath; next, figured I should do more, for I had a compulsion to make Grandma's life filled with the spirits of calm and mirth.
   So, breaking my back, or so it felt, I loaded her up in my monster Plymouth, cranked the Road Runner to life, and without proving my potent low-end torque out of the hole, I modestly cruised us to the local comic book shop, it having a Scooby-Doo van out front.
   Wanting the memories to be as close to eternal as I could craft, I unloaded Grandma, put her in her wheelchair, and got her to smile in front of the Scooby-Doo van; next, I snapped a picture, wondering what I would ever do without that lovely, old bird.